Of course it is. It's kind of hard to not have noticed what's been going on with Gorgug. The train stuff by itself would have been one thing. Fabian can hardly blame the other for getting frustrated with that situation when Fabian himself was also very much getting frustrated with it - even if he feels like he might have discovered Gorgug's frustration a little too late due to their separation.
But it's not just one incident. With how frequently they sleep together, of course the fact that Gorgug hasn't exactly been sleeping soundly - one or two aching bruises on Fabian's body after a rage dream accident can attest to that - isn't something that has escaped Fabian's notice either.
And it's made him think. Maybe it's nothing, but-- what if it isn't nothing? Hasn't the entire thing with Gorgug's possession from a few months ago taught him that it's better to ask, just to be sure? Even if it might make you look stupid, or like you're worrying too much.
So Fabian decides on the best occasion to ask about this - and it feels like that is when Gorgug couldn't possibly escape his questions. Which means that when they're settling in for the night, Fabian just.. casually rolls over. On top of Gorgug, so they're lying there chest pressed to chest. Sure, Gorgug could just shove him off, but Fabian is banking on the other not wanting to make things that awkward. ]
Gorgug.
[ Fabian is sounding a touch sleepy - look, it's late! This is the downside to this plan! - but pretty serious at the same time. ]
Something like that goes through Gorgug's mind. He thinks they're tucking in for the night (even though he's felt--unsure if they should be, or trying not to think about it; he's been getting rage nightmares more frequent, and Fabian never looks too pleased at the time, or in the morning when they're at their worse), but then: there's Fabian. On top of him. Does he want sex? He thought they were sleeping, but the fact Fabian's on him and he's asking how he's been lately...
He still has to think about that question, looking off in the darkness. ]
Uh.. I'm okay... [ He places a hand on Fabian's side, mainly because he's resting on top of him. ] Is-- everything okay?
[ Are things okay? He hasn't been ignoring Fabian, has he? He doesn't think he has... ]
[ He huffs. Nothing too intense, but it sure is a Fabian huff, alright. ]
This is about you.
[ Okay, maybe it's sounding a little bit more like an interrogation than Fabian intended for this to sound, but-- it's a little bit harder to find a nuance in emotions when you're already tired.
But he does want to talk about it. ]
You didn't sleep like this before. [ There's no elaboration of what 'like this' means, but he's pretty sure that Gorgug knows what he means. There's only been one significant change, after all. ] At least not when we started to sleep together. And not a while before that either.
[ Which he could know, considering he has watched over Gorgug's rest a few times right after the entire incident with the possession. Sure, it's not like Gorgug's sleep had been super restful back then either, but it was different from these rage nightmares. ]
Even if it's just Fabian looking at him and speaking plainly, it does feel like an interrogation. There's answers that Fabian wants and he needs to give, and maybe Fabian's worried about another night like the ones he's been having there-- sleeping with him isn't the best. Thinking on the spot is hard though, and Gorgug glances from the sides of his vision as he attempts to find what Fabian's searching for.
When he doesn't know if it'll make Fabian happy. If the answer is really the answer he wants. ..but what he does know is embarrassing too, in a way. Complicated. ]
...I haven't had violent dreams in a while. [ His voice is quiet when he admits it, once he finally speaks. ] I... you know, sometimes I got them when we were on the road-- it's, it's something I get.
[ But is that what Fabian wants to hear? When he's the one choosing to sleep with him like this most nights. He looks back at Fabian when he admits it, at his one eye looking back at him--unsure, not confident. ]
[ At least Fabian isn't really regretting his approach here. It does seem like Gorgug is having some difficulty talking about it, and that makes Fabian think that the other likely would not have spoken up about it if Fabian wasn't grilling him like this.
If something does make him feel a touch bad about it though, it's what Gorgug says at the end there. Like he's assuming that is where Fabian was going with this. It makes him frown just a slight bit. ]
I was not trying to get you out of my bed, you know.
[ Not that he really enjoys it when Gorgug suddenly gets violent while Fabian is just trying to catch some zzzs. But Fabian was kind of hoping for a different talk or solution than just Gorgug moving back to his own bed entirely. ]
It's just-- I don't know. A little worrying? [ Okay, so maybe Fabian isn't great at finding the words here either, but it's not any reluctance to talk about it. It's just that he isn't used to addressing things like Gorgug's violent dreams, so he doesn't know how to quickly find the right words for it. ] Isn't it unpleasant for you too?
[ Oh, Fabian doesn't want him out of his bed? Granted, Gorgug's pretty sure Fabian would just kick him out if he did want him gone, but it's still a relief to hear--that his rage dreams haven't gotten to that point. Yet.
He wouldn't blame Fabian if they ever did. But on the question of if they're unpleasant, his dreams-- that's a more difficult question. His eyes narrow as he tries pinpointing his exact feelings, when: ]
I... well, I've had them for a long time, so, sometime, they're-- I didn't like waking up to them, but I got used to it when, once they started to decrease. And I stopped breaking my furniture. [ Or when he got more resigned about them being a part of him during particularly stressful times. ] I guess I... I feel bad, that I'm hurting you. That I'm knocking you around when I--
[ He doesn't put his full weight into it, but he pretends to rock while Fabian is up there on top of him, and he knocks his arms against a shoulder, a waist, to mimic his flailing. ]
--get worked up. You don't have to put with that.
[ But that's not a solution, is it? That's maybe not giving Fabian what he wants, and Gorgug's trying to think about it some more to put with it. Fabian said he didn't used to be like this, not for a while, and that's true. Not since they started sleeping together or before that, and what's the difference? What's the change?
Gorgug looks up at the ceiling above, mulling it over. ]
I guess.... I've been feeling a lot more, lately. In and outside my dreams.
[ That probably has something to do with it. Maybe? ]
[ It's not a surprise to see Gorgug bringing up that first part at all. Of course he would. If Gorgug didn't already sometimes seem a little bit awkward when it comes to his rage issues, then it would still have been obvious that he wouldn't want to hurt Fabian. Gorgug's always been like that - just far too nice. Even when Fabian is trying to make this about Gorgug, Gorgug is thinking about him. ]
I'm not going to put up with it. [ Fabian confirms, but in that same sort of way as he spoke a moment ago - still confident, certain of himself. He isn't going to put up with it, because-- ] We're going to figure out what we can do about it.
[ Because, like he said-- He wants you to stay in his bed, Gorgug! Fabian has gotten way too used to sleeping like this now to give it up entirely. Going cold turkey on cuddles might just kill Fabian "needing attention and affection and touch at all times" Seacaster.
He rolls off Gorgug, considering it feels less likely that the other will flee the situation now, but still sticks to the other's side once Fabian's back touches the bed again. ]
Though feeling more is not a bad thing, is it?
[ Especially when Gorgug spoke before about feeling very little sometimes. And that seemed far more strange to Fabian than this confession does. Fabian feels so much all the time! Isn't that normal?
.. is that the sort of thing that would lead to rage dreams? ]
[ Fabian doesn't really need to sound so sure while he's laying on top of him. Granted, that's Fabian most of the time, even when his confidence isn't earned, but in this instance, it's almost like Fabian can do something about it. As if he knows what, or that the question of how to succeed doesn't really matter, when he'll do whatever it takes.
...
He does miss it though, the weight of Fabian on him. When he rolls off, and he might be able to breathe a little easier, having Fabian looking down at him from that position...
Gorgug glances in Fabian's direction, but doesn't turn his head. Just stares up at the ceiling now exposed by the lack of the other in the way. ]
It's not bad, [ Gorgug agrees. To the question that he did hear, despite his body more interested in what's been lost than to figuring out other problems. ] I used to think that it was, but-- I got used to it, with you and-- everyone. We just go fucking crazy.
[ Which is a way to talk about his and his friend's chaotic energy.
But it hasn't been like that in a while, has it? Their chaotic adventures. Their energies. They've been tamed by their missing pieces, their situation--what would Etraya be like with all six of them together? Fig and Kristen and Adaine? ]
I like letting loose.
[ Or should it be 'liked'? When it doesn't feel like there's a lot to let loose about much, these days... there's nothing adventure-like about their missions. Even when their adventures banked on the safety of their world, too. ]
[ There seems to be absolutely no negative reaction whatsoever from Fabian's side about Gorgug's assessment of their party's actions, because.. yeah. They really do just go fucking crazy. That's what Fabian likes too! It's how he has been taught to fight from a young age, and it just feels nice that it comes naturally around their party nowadays. Like he doesn't even have to think about it. Like they all fall in step together.
.. or maybe not so together, here. He shoves the thought down, considering there's really nothing he can do about that. And Fabian wants to focus on the things he can do here, especially when it is to help Gorgug.
He glances over at the other. Studying him. Thinking. Especially about those last words. ]
Okay, but.. have you?
[ Could that be it? Maybe Gorgug isn't actually letting all those feelings out, so they instead come out like this at night? Gods, does that thought ever make Fabian feel glad for being as expressive as he is, really. ]
What have you been doing with that whole lot that you're feeling?
[ Gorgug considers the question, his face going through a few different looks of uncertainty; the wrinkling around his eyes becoming prominent (or the one that Fabian can see from his spot), and his forehead doing much the same. ]
Nn..nothing? I'm not really feeling like, a big or unusual amount. But compared to before, it's more? And I'm... you know, I get to work on my projects in my workshop, and I spend time with you and Riz and my other friends...
[ So what else is there to do? What is there to let loose over? Maybe he's even trying to avoid thinking about what that might mean, what letting loose felt like with the Bad Kids before.
It's not helpful. Fabian's trying to help him, but he lets himself trail off without anything to offer to the problem. ]
[ Another slight pause, and then once again, with more emphasis: ]
Gorgug!
[ Okay, that's definitely sounding like Fabian two seconds before going into a very typical Fabian mode. The kind of dramatic, semi-exasperated mode. But he can't help it. Fabian feels like there's something so obvious here, and he can't tell if Gorgug genuinely can't see it himself or if he's avoiding it. He can't really put either of the two options past Gorgug, given what he knows about the other, but it's a little exasperating all the same.
Fabian rolls on his side, propping himself up so he can look at the other better as he's laying there, rather than staring at part of the side of Gorgug's face. ]
Are you kidding me? If you are having nightmares like that, there certainly has to be something big you are feeling that you just aren't doing anything with! That's why it comes out like that at night! [ Is that how it works?
Fabian can't know for sure. He isn't a half-orc. Or a barbarian. And he doesn't even have rage issues in the first place. Nothing close to it.
And yet he sounds pretty confident as he speaks all the same. It's that natural Seacaster confidence, even when you're ranting about something you're not an expert in, truly.. ]
It's the second Gorgug that should be worrisome, and is, as Fabian rolls back over to him. Not on him this time (a shame), but he's still looking down at Gorgug again, speaking like an expert. And he does sound like an expert, and Gorgug is the one who can't 2+2 here.
He wants to sink down into the bed. And he does shuffle, trying to hide himself. A little. Uselessly. ]
But I'm.... [ It starts as a protest, but dies before it fully comes out. Happy, being what he means to say, and it's not because it's a lie that Gorgug stops. He's trying to think of things, some better response that Fabian can latch onto. And he trails, thinking of something that might be a better answer. ] I guess I've-- been worried about the sign. And what it means. If anything's gonna happen?
[ Does that make sense? Fabian's the expert, right? He's truly saying that and seeing if Fabian agrees to that being a good reason for rage nightmares. ]
[ Thankfully enough the thing the half-orc ends up saying here is definitely more valid than him just saying he's okay. Because-- sure, Fabian may believe Gorgug is more or less okay, but the rage nightmares are a definite sign that something is wrong!
Fabian just doesn't know what. But that's why he's doing this. He is - as Riz would say - on the case.
Which also means - unfortunately for Gorgug - that as the other is trying to bury and hide himself a little, Fabian is only more fully turning towards him. Peering at him. Almost demanding attention with his loud presence. (You know, as Fabian often does.) ]
And.. what? You get angry when you're worried?
[ He's trying to get to the bottom of this, Gorgug! You have to supply him with clues! Information! Don't make him get Riz for this one! ]
Well, I'm-- frustrated that I don't know what to do? You know, when you get pissed when there's a big threatening sign outside your house but you don't know who put it there.
[ You know, that thing that happens to everyone? So maybe the example didn't get far from what it's actually referring to, but it might still trigger Fabian to imagine the scenario for himself! If he imagines someone doing a thing like that outside his manor home back in Elmville. Or even here.
It totally makes sense, right? This is what's going on? ]
I feel-- annoyed. At myself, and whoever put it there, for not giving-- for not leaving a better message. What kind of question is that?
[ It's dumb!!! They have to be mocking them, right! ]
[ It's a bit of a slow answer, but it's not disagreeable. It seems more like Fabian is actually thinking this through. It's not like he doesn't know about the sign either, but considering there are so many things his mind gets all worked up about in this place, it didn't register with him as anything more concerning than.. well, everything else.
Clearly it did for Gorgug though. And it feels to Fabian like they're getting somewhere here, so he's pretty determined to follow this thread and see where it leads. Maybe it can help Gorgug. ]
But you can do something about it though, right? Don't they say people always return to the scene of the crime? [ Let's face it: this is probably something Riz said that Fabian has picked up on through spending enough time with their friend. It's not like his father of all people would say that, after all. ]
You could hang out near there to catch them in the act. Beat them up good. Just get those feelings all out! [ Sorry, Gorgug. Of course Fabian of all people would advocate for yelling and fighting out your feelings.. The true Seacaster way.. He even seems kind of energetic about it, despite the fact that they're lying in bed together in a dark room. ]
And Gorgug should be appreciative. He is on some level, but he also knows what he and Fabian are talking about isn't really the issue. Is it? That's the thing, in that Gorgug doesn't know what's wrong. Sure, he feels pent up sometimes, and he is annoyed about the big giant sign, but is standing around waiting for some guy to show up really what he wants to do?
...
...he doesn't want to think about it, really. He continues his staring at the ceiling for a few more seconds, making more faces at it before he turns on his side to face Fabian in his monotone form. ]
What if I didn't and I made out with you instead?
[ Doesn't that seem like a better use of time? What if they stopped talking about this completely, actually? ]
[ Fabian looks real hopeful for a moment. Excited, even. Maybe he's even imagining himself helping with this task - whether it's just to cheer Gorgug on, bard-style, or to even help him beat up whatever is out there annoying Gorgug. It's the least he could do.
.. except then that excitement drops off his face real quick when the other says that.
Which is strange, considering Fabian always seems really excited to make out with Gorgug under any other circumstances. But the problem is that he gets what the other is doing here, it's-- ]
You're trying to distract me!
[ And not being very subtle about it! Sorry, Gorgug, but you really need to work on that charisma stat, alright.
Fabian moves his hands out, pushing against Gorgug's chest to get him to lie back down. It'll probably require some cooperation on the other's part, given the strength difference, but Fabian will take the absolute first next opportunity he gets to roll on top of the other one again. ]
It's not working, Gorgug. I'm not letting go! This is important!
[ noooo fabian don't see through his ploy, you're so sexy haha
See, usually, Gorgug listens when Fabian puts his hands on him to push him back. And he makes a disappointed face when he hears Fabian see what he's doing, but the thing is: he still wants to do it. And so while Gorgug doesn't know what he's missing out on, he's going to try and lean his head in and to start kissing on Fabian's face despite his complaints. ]
I heard you, we'll do it tomorrow- [ You know, the thing they were talking about, shouting at people on the other side of the barrier or something. Meanwhile, Gorgug's slipping a hand under the covers, to try and give his distraction the help action via rubbing his palm over Fabian's pyjamas between his legs. ]
[ To be fair to Gorgug, it's really hard to not get distracted in the middle of all of this. Especially since Fabian's body is responding pretty much by instinct to those kisses and the touches. Not that he's getting full on hard or anything, but his body does lean a little bit more into the touch, even though his mind is trying to resist.
But the flesh is so weak. Too weak to his boyfriend. ]
Gorgug.
[ It's almost a groan. Not one of pleasure, okay!! One of frustration!! Why must you be like this. ]
Can you even promise me that we would do it tomorrow, and that you won't just try this all over again then?
[ It's a good sound that his name makes, that he doesn't mind what follows it so much. Even if it wants him to think or answer about things not related to what he's doing now, Gorgug pauses, a huff of breath for a second to stop himself from kissing, or continuing with anything fun.
He looks at Fabian's eye, considering his answer. ]
I'll tell a bot to look outside the barrier in case that guy ever comes back.
[ See? He's being so good. He'll tell his bot to do a useless task so it seems like something is happening and being done.
But Gorgug isn't done eyeing Fabian, nor thinking. What does he want to do right now? Well... ]
[ This is so hard. This is the worst trial being given to Fabian right now? Yes, he may be the strongest little warrior, but he still didn't ask for this battle to be given to him! The battle of having to choose between wanting to make sure Gorgug is okay, yet also desperately wanting his boyfriend's hand on him now he's making the offer.
No one told him dating was going to be this difficult. Why didn't anyone warn him!!! ]
[ It's an easy resistance to bypass, or to break through. Gorgug leans his head forward, presses his lips firmly onto Fabian's to bring him into a brief but meaningful kiss, his lower lip lingering to keep it for longer. He doesn't move far when he breaks it, his hand rounding back to the rim of Fabian's pyjamas, to dip into where he's been teasing; his breath speaking on Fabian's skin as much as his words do, as: ]
I might wanna do more if you tell me to.
[ He speaks low, hinting; his hand stroking slowly, as if he's still wanting on Fabian's full agreement.
As if he doesn't already have it, for the most part. ]
[ Now that definitely is the sound of Fabian's resistance fully shattering. ]
Gorgug, you're so--
[ So.. what? Who knows. Probably something along the lines of him being too tantalizing to Fabian, but the latter doesn't finish his sentence when he's too busy adjusting his position a little bit so Gorgug has even easier access to go ahead. ]
Just using your hand is fine. I don't-- [ Fabian's expression shifts, almost a touch more shy. ] I don't want to keep you up all night.
[ Especially when Fabian was trying to get Gorgug to have some healthier sleep habits in the first place! As much as he wants this, it's defeating the purpose!! ]
[ He pauses for a microsecond, just to let Fabian adjust; but then his hand continues, the words already breathed--whether approvingly, in frustration, or whatever else--leaving their own mark on Gorgug, though he doesn't want to think about himself right now. They've been talking too much about him.
Fabian. He wants to put all his attention on Fabian, already so nicely firm in his hand, but even like this he's holding back. Or so Gorgug thinks so, content with jerking him off to begin with, but that hint that Fabian might want more makes Gorgug focus his gaze back onto him, nothing shy about the way he looks at him. ]
Tell me. What would keep me up all night?
[ There's nothing deliberate in Gorgug's tone. It's direct, straightforward--What do you want?, asked again in another way. ]
[ For how eager Fabian usually seems to have all attention turned towards him, no matter how much of it there is all at once, he doesn't seem quite as excited about it right now. Maybe it's because he feels like he should be continuing to push Gorgug a little bit.
But that would be awkward at this point. Gorgug is pushing back too much. And Fabian doesn't want to argue when all of this is for Gorgug's sake in the first place, to make sure he's alright. Arguing with him sure isn't going to do a thing about his rage nightmares.
So something about him seems a little.. awkward. Reluctant. Not reluctant to do what they're talking about, but more reluctant to speak in the first place. It feels like he isn't doing the right thing, but there's no road towards the right thing either. Maybe all he can do right now is tire out Gorgug, actually. To let him sleep so deep that no rage could even occur to him.
Which means that Fabian does speak up honestly, does confess - even if it takes a moment for his reluctance to make way enough for him to speak. ]
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action;
Of course it is. It's kind of hard to not have noticed what's been going on with Gorgug. The train stuff by itself would have been one thing. Fabian can hardly blame the other for getting frustrated with that situation when Fabian himself was also very much getting frustrated with it - even if he feels like he might have discovered Gorgug's frustration a little too late due to their separation.
But it's not just one incident. With how frequently they sleep together, of course the fact that Gorgug hasn't exactly been sleeping soundly - one or two aching bruises on Fabian's body after a rage dream accident can attest to that - isn't something that has escaped Fabian's notice either.
And it's made him think. Maybe it's nothing, but-- what if it isn't nothing? Hasn't the entire thing with Gorgug's possession from a few months ago taught him that it's better to ask, just to be sure? Even if it might make you look stupid, or like you're worrying too much.
So Fabian decides on the best occasion to ask about this - and it feels like that is when Gorgug couldn't possibly escape his questions. Which means that when they're settling in for the night, Fabian just.. casually rolls over. On top of Gorgug, so they're lying there chest pressed to chest. Sure, Gorgug could just shove him off, but Fabian is banking on the other not wanting to make things that awkward. ]
Gorgug.
[ Fabian is sounding a touch sleepy - look, it's late! This is the downside to this plan! - but pretty serious at the same time. ]
How have you been feeling lately?
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Something like that goes through Gorgug's mind. He thinks they're tucking in for the night (even though he's felt--unsure if they should be, or trying not to think about it; he's been getting rage nightmares more frequent, and Fabian never looks too pleased at the time, or in the morning when they're at their worse), but then: there's Fabian. On top of him. Does he want sex? He thought they were sleeping, but the fact Fabian's on him and he's asking how he's been lately...
He still has to think about that question, looking off in the darkness. ]
Uh.. I'm okay... [ He places a hand on Fabian's side, mainly because he's resting on top of him. ] Is-- everything okay?
[ Are things okay? He hasn't been ignoring Fabian, has he? He doesn't think he has... ]
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This is about you.
[ Okay, maybe it's sounding a little bit more like an interrogation than Fabian intended for this to sound, but-- it's a little bit harder to find a nuance in emotions when you're already tired.
But he does want to talk about it. ]
You didn't sleep like this before. [ There's no elaboration of what 'like this' means, but he's pretty sure that Gorgug knows what he means. There's only been one significant change, after all. ] At least not when we started to sleep together. And not a while before that either.
[ Which he could know, considering he has watched over Gorgug's rest a few times right after the entire incident with the possession. Sure, it's not like Gorgug's sleep had been super restful back then either, but it was different from these rage nightmares. ]
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Even if it's just Fabian looking at him and speaking plainly, it does feel like an interrogation. There's answers that Fabian wants and he needs to give, and maybe Fabian's worried about another night like the ones he's been having there-- sleeping with him isn't the best. Thinking on the spot is hard though, and Gorgug glances from the sides of his vision as he attempts to find what Fabian's searching for.
When he doesn't know if it'll make Fabian happy. If the answer is really the answer he wants. ..but what he does know is embarrassing too, in a way. Complicated. ]
...I haven't had violent dreams in a while. [ His voice is quiet when he admits it, once he finally speaks. ] I... you know, sometimes I got them when we were on the road-- it's, it's something I get.
[ But is that what Fabian wants to hear? When he's the one choosing to sleep with him like this most nights. He looks back at Fabian when he admits it, at his one eye looking back at him--unsure, not confident. ]
I can sleep in my room.
[ That's a fix, right. ]
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If something does make him feel a touch bad about it though, it's what Gorgug says at the end there. Like he's assuming that is where Fabian was going with this. It makes him frown just a slight bit. ]
I was not trying to get you out of my bed, you know.
[ Not that he really enjoys it when Gorgug suddenly gets violent while Fabian is just trying to catch some zzzs. But Fabian was kind of hoping for a different talk or solution than just Gorgug moving back to his own bed entirely. ]
It's just-- I don't know. A little worrying? [ Okay, so maybe Fabian isn't great at finding the words here either, but it's not any reluctance to talk about it. It's just that he isn't used to addressing things like Gorgug's violent dreams, so he doesn't know how to quickly find the right words for it. ] Isn't it unpleasant for you too?
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He wouldn't blame Fabian if they ever did. But on the question of if they're unpleasant, his dreams-- that's a more difficult question. His eyes narrow as he tries pinpointing his exact feelings, when: ]
I... well, I've had them for a long time, so, sometime, they're-- I didn't like waking up to them, but I got used to it when, once they started to decrease. And I stopped breaking my furniture. [ Or when he got more resigned about them being a part of him during particularly stressful times. ] I guess I... I feel bad, that I'm hurting you. That I'm knocking you around when I--
[ He doesn't put his full weight into it, but he pretends to rock while Fabian is up there on top of him, and he knocks his arms against a shoulder, a waist, to mimic his flailing. ]
--get worked up. You don't have to put with that.
[ But that's not a solution, is it? That's maybe not giving Fabian what he wants, and Gorgug's trying to think about it some more to put with it. Fabian said he didn't used to be like this, not for a while, and that's true. Not since they started sleeping together or before that, and what's the difference? What's the change?
Gorgug looks up at the ceiling above, mulling it over. ]
I guess.... I've been feeling a lot more, lately. In and outside my dreams.
[ That probably has something to do with it. Maybe? ]
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I'm not going to put up with it. [ Fabian confirms, but in that same sort of way as he spoke a moment ago - still confident, certain of himself. He isn't going to put up with it, because-- ] We're going to figure out what we can do about it.
[ Because, like he said-- He wants you to stay in his bed, Gorgug! Fabian has gotten way too used to sleeping like this now to give it up entirely. Going cold turkey on cuddles might just kill Fabian "needing attention and affection and touch at all times" Seacaster.
He rolls off Gorgug, considering it feels less likely that the other will flee the situation now, but still sticks to the other's side once Fabian's back touches the bed again. ]
Though feeling more is not a bad thing, is it?
[ Especially when Gorgug spoke before about feeling very little sometimes. And that seemed far more strange to Fabian than this confession does. Fabian feels so much all the time! Isn't that normal?
.. is that the sort of thing that would lead to rage dreams? ]
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...
He does miss it though, the weight of Fabian on him. When he rolls off, and he might be able to breathe a little easier, having Fabian looking down at him from that position...
Gorgug glances in Fabian's direction, but doesn't turn his head. Just stares up at the ceiling now exposed by the lack of the other in the way. ]
It's not bad, [ Gorgug agrees. To the question that he did hear, despite his body more interested in what's been lost than to figuring out other problems. ] I used to think that it was, but-- I got used to it, with you and-- everyone. We just go fucking crazy.
[ Which is a way to talk about his and his friend's chaotic energy.
But it hasn't been like that in a while, has it? Their chaotic adventures. Their energies. They've been tamed by their missing pieces, their situation--what would Etraya be like with all six of them together? Fig and Kristen and Adaine? ]
I like letting loose.
[ Or should it be 'liked'? When it doesn't feel like there's a lot to let loose about much, these days... there's nothing adventure-like about their missions. Even when their adventures banked on the safety of their world, too. ]
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.. or maybe not so together, here. He shoves the thought down, considering there's really nothing he can do about that. And Fabian wants to focus on the things he can do here, especially when it is to help Gorgug.
He glances over at the other. Studying him. Thinking. Especially about those last words. ]
Okay, but.. have you?
[ Could that be it? Maybe Gorgug isn't actually letting all those feelings out, so they instead come out like this at night? Gods, does that thought ever make Fabian feel glad for being as expressive as he is, really. ]
What have you been doing with that whole lot that you're feeling?
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Nn..nothing? I'm not really feeling like, a big or unusual amount. But compared to before, it's more? And I'm... you know, I get to work on my projects in my workshop, and I spend time with you and Riz and my other friends...
[ So what else is there to do? What is there to let loose over? Maybe he's even trying to avoid thinking about what that might mean, what letting loose felt like with the Bad Kids before.
It's not helpful. Fabian's trying to help him, but he lets himself trail off without anything to offer to the problem. ]
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[ Another slight pause, and then once again, with more emphasis: ]
Gorgug!
[ Okay, that's definitely sounding like Fabian two seconds before going into a very typical Fabian mode. The kind of dramatic, semi-exasperated mode. But he can't help it. Fabian feels like there's something so obvious here, and he can't tell if Gorgug genuinely can't see it himself or if he's avoiding it. He can't really put either of the two options past Gorgug, given what he knows about the other, but it's a little exasperating all the same.
Fabian rolls on his side, propping himself up so he can look at the other better as he's laying there, rather than staring at part of the side of Gorgug's face. ]
Are you kidding me? If you are having nightmares like that, there certainly has to be something big you are feeling that you just aren't doing anything with! That's why it comes out like that at night! [ Is that how it works?
Fabian can't know for sure. He isn't a half-orc. Or a barbarian. And he doesn't even have rage issues in the first place. Nothing close to it.
And yet he sounds pretty confident as he speaks all the same. It's that natural Seacaster confidence, even when you're ranting about something you're not an expert in, truly.. ]
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It's the second Gorgug that should be worrisome, and is, as Fabian rolls back over to him. Not on him this time (a shame), but he's still looking down at Gorgug again, speaking like an expert. And he does sound like an expert, and Gorgug is the one who can't 2+2 here.
He wants to sink down into the bed. And he does shuffle, trying to hide himself. A little. Uselessly. ]
But I'm.... [ It starts as a protest, but dies before it fully comes out. Happy, being what he means to say, and it's not because it's a lie that Gorgug stops. He's trying to think of things, some better response that Fabian can latch onto. And he trails, thinking of something that might be a better answer. ] I guess I've-- been worried about the sign. And what it means. If anything's gonna happen?
[ Does that make sense? Fabian's the expert, right? He's truly saying that and seeing if Fabian agrees to that being a good reason for rage nightmares. ]
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Fabian just doesn't know what. But that's why he's doing this. He is - as Riz would say - on the case.
Which also means - unfortunately for Gorgug - that as the other is trying to bury and hide himself a little, Fabian is only more fully turning towards him. Peering at him. Almost demanding attention with his loud presence. (You know, as Fabian often does.) ]
And.. what? You get angry when you're worried?
[ He's trying to get to the bottom of this, Gorgug! You have to supply him with clues! Information! Don't make him get Riz for this one! ]
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[ You know, that thing that happens to everyone? So maybe the example didn't get far from what it's actually referring to, but it might still trigger Fabian to imagine the scenario for himself! If he imagines someone doing a thing like that outside his manor home back in Elmville. Or even here.
It totally makes sense, right? This is what's going on? ]
I feel-- annoyed. At myself, and whoever put it there, for not giving-- for not leaving a better message. What kind of question is that?
[ It's dumb!!! They have to be mocking them, right! ]
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[ It's a bit of a slow answer, but it's not disagreeable. It seems more like Fabian is actually thinking this through. It's not like he doesn't know about the sign either, but considering there are so many things his mind gets all worked up about in this place, it didn't register with him as anything more concerning than.. well, everything else.
Clearly it did for Gorgug though. And it feels to Fabian like they're getting somewhere here, so he's pretty determined to follow this thread and see where it leads. Maybe it can help Gorgug. ]
But you can do something about it though, right? Don't they say people always return to the scene of the crime? [ Let's face it: this is probably something Riz said that Fabian has picked up on through spending enough time with their friend. It's not like his father of all people would say that, after all. ]
You could hang out near there to catch them in the act. Beat them up good. Just get those feelings all out! [ Sorry, Gorgug. Of course Fabian of all people would advocate for yelling and fighting out your feelings.. The true Seacaster way.. He even seems kind of energetic about it, despite the fact that they're lying in bed together in a dark room. ]
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And Gorgug should be appreciative. He is on some level, but he also knows what he and Fabian are talking about isn't really the issue. Is it? That's the thing, in that Gorgug doesn't know what's wrong. Sure, he feels pent up sometimes, and he is annoyed about the big giant sign, but is standing around waiting for some guy to show up really what he wants to do?
...
...he doesn't want to think about it, really. He continues his staring at the ceiling for a few more seconds, making more faces at it before he turns on his side to face Fabian in his monotone form. ]
What if I didn't and I made out with you instead?
[ Doesn't that seem like a better use of time? What if they stopped talking about this completely, actually? ]
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.. except then that excitement drops off his face real quick when the other says that.
Which is strange, considering Fabian always seems really excited to make out with Gorgug under any other circumstances. But the problem is that he gets what the other is doing here, it's-- ]
You're trying to distract me!
[ And not being very subtle about it! Sorry, Gorgug, but you really need to work on that charisma stat, alright.
Fabian moves his hands out, pushing against Gorgug's chest to get him to lie back down. It'll probably require some cooperation on the other's part, given the strength difference, but Fabian will take the absolute first next opportunity he gets to roll on top of the other one again. ]
It's not working, Gorgug. I'm not letting go! This is important!
cw: suggestive touching
See, usually, Gorgug listens when Fabian puts his hands on him to push him back. And he makes a disappointed face when he hears Fabian see what he's doing, but the thing is: he still wants to do it. And so while Gorgug doesn't know what he's missing out on, he's going to try and lean his head in and to start kissing on Fabian's face despite his complaints. ]
I heard you, we'll do it tomorrow- [ You know, the thing they were talking about, shouting at people on the other side of the barrier or something. Meanwhile, Gorgug's slipping a hand under the covers, to try and give his distraction the help action via rubbing his palm over Fabian's pyjamas between his legs. ]
I just wanna think about you now.
[ (comme onnnn
get distracted) ]
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But the flesh is so weak. Too weak to his boyfriend. ]
Gorgug.
[ It's almost a groan. Not one of pleasure, okay!! One of frustration!! Why must you be like this. ]
Can you even promise me that we would do it tomorrow, and that you won't just try this all over again then?
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He looks at Fabian's eye, considering his answer. ]
I'll tell a bot to look outside the barrier in case that guy ever comes back.
[ See? He's being so good. He'll tell his bot to do a useless task so it seems like something is happening and being done.
But Gorgug isn't done eyeing Fabian, nor thinking. What does he want to do right now? Well... ]
Can I jerk you off now?
[ B-bro? ]
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No one told him dating was going to be this difficult. Why didn't anyone warn him!!! ]
Do you want to that badly?
[ This is his last piece of resistance.
It's weak as shit, for the record. ]
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I might wanna do more if you tell me to.
[ He speaks low, hinting; his hand stroking slowly, as if he's still wanting on Fabian's full agreement.
As if he doesn't already have it, for the most part. ]
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[ Now that definitely is the sound of Fabian's resistance fully shattering. ]
Gorgug, you're so--
[ So.. what? Who knows. Probably something along the lines of him being too tantalizing to Fabian, but the latter doesn't finish his sentence when he's too busy adjusting his position a little bit so Gorgug has even easier access to go ahead. ]
Just using your hand is fine. I don't-- [ Fabian's expression shifts, almost a touch more shy. ] I don't want to keep you up all night.
[ Especially when Fabian was trying to get Gorgug to have some healthier sleep habits in the first place! As much as he wants this, it's defeating the purpose!! ]
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Fabian. He wants to put all his attention on Fabian, already so nicely firm in his hand, but even like this he's holding back. Or so Gorgug thinks so, content with jerking him off to begin with, but that hint that Fabian might want more makes Gorgug focus his gaze back onto him, nothing shy about the way he looks at him. ]
Tell me. What would keep me up all night?
[ There's nothing deliberate in Gorgug's tone. It's direct, straightforward--What do you want?, asked again in another way. ]
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But that would be awkward at this point. Gorgug is pushing back too much. And Fabian doesn't want to argue when all of this is for Gorgug's sake in the first place, to make sure he's alright. Arguing with him sure isn't going to do a thing about his rage nightmares.
So something about him seems a little.. awkward. Reluctant. Not reluctant to do what they're talking about, but more reluctant to speak in the first place. It feels like he isn't doing the right thing, but there's no road towards the right thing either. Maybe all he can do right now is tire out Gorgug, actually. To let him sleep so deep that no rage could even occur to him.
Which means that Fabian does speak up honestly, does confess - even if it takes a moment for his reluctance to make way enough for him to speak. ]
Let me ride you.
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