[ It doesn't feel great at all to hear his friend say stuff like that. To see Gorgug so scared - despite his size. The other is curling up against the wall like he's trying to disappear, and Fabian can't only hope that staying next to Gorgug like this without anything happening will slowly desensitize the other to it all. That it will slowly make him believe that things are okay, even if they might not seem that way to Gorgug just yet.
So he moves to join the other in the bed, though in a much more calm way than Fabian usually would have - sometimes just having too much energy and too much dramatic flair at the same time. It's like Gorgug is a frightened animal he's trying really hard to not startle, holding a breath until he's actually lying down next to the other.
He rolls onto his side, Fabian's face turned towards Gorgug. Watching him. Watching those hands, the faint shake to him. He doesn't say anything for a moment, but then speaks up again. ]
.. can I touch you?
[ Sure, he did it a moment ago without asking.
But he's pretty sure that with how bad Gorgug looks right now, the other might just flip out by accident if Fabian does as much as accidentally brush him, let alone outright touch him. So before he does what he wants to do, he should at least ask. ]
[ Fabian must think him a fool. With his hands in front of his face like a kid, Gorgug feels like it--that he's dumb, overreacting, and isn't there plenty about Gorgug that's wrong? But it doesn't make Gorgug bring his hands down; he's become too used to it when trying to sleep, or searching for moments where he can stop his mind from racing about every bad thing that he did. He only knows that Fabian's come beside him by the shifting weight of the bed, before it's quiet again.
Except for Gorgug's breathing. Heavy, hot. And then Fabian speaks up, with a request that could mean a few things, but- ]
Okay.
[ It doesn't matter how Fabian wants to touch him. He can if he wants to, with Gorgug's answered muffled by his palms, but otherwise clear. ]
[ There's no immediate touch after Gorgug answers. Instead Fabian takes a moment, like he's settling on the exact course of action he wants to take here, and then he does reach out. His hands land on the back of Gorgug's hands, the ones the other is still holding in front of his face, and one of Fabian's two hands moves to try and grab a gentle hold of Gorgug's hand. ]
It's alright. [ Fabian says, hoping so bad that it's even a little bit soothing. That Gorgug won't freak out at this much, even though Fabian is still moving to try and get them to gently hold hands. He'll lower their joint hands if Gorgug allows it at all, leaving the other hand in front of Gorgug's face for now.
[ Truthfully, Gorgug knows that Fabian won't hurt him. Even if he would deserve it, nothing about what Fabian has said or done leans into Gorgug believing Fabian would change his tune right about now. Maybe he'll touch him like he did earlier, or maybe that's just a tiny part of Gorgug that considers it because he wants it; or maybe he'll put a hand on his shoulder, some other small gesture that's not as intimate.
When he goes for his hand instead, the muscles of it do tighten. Like Gorgug's ready to fight against it being moved away, and--he is. He wants to be, anyway, but the thing is: he doesn't. When Fabian takes it, and Gorgug doesn't know if to have his eyes opened or shut when the space opens to reveal Fabian there, he ends up staring back at him, his arm not resisting. As Fabian's voice is soothing, his presence something--unexpected.
Kind. Considerate.
Gorgug's watching him with his one eye, a mixture of emotions that he doesn't know how to separate into anything that he can put a voice to. Do you think I'm stupid? is one, while another, I was so scared is another. His lower lip trembles, and he clenches his jaw to keep down the new surge of upset that rises in his throat. Closes his eyes, quiet as he breathes through his nose and lets his body calm back down.
And eventually, he lets his fingers curl against Fabian's hand. ]
I-I should...stay away from people...for a while. I don't want to... hurt anyone. On accident. Just... until I'm sure, Fabian...
[ His voice is steady for the most part, and he doesn't peek to look back at Fabian until after he's done. His expression morose even from behind that singular hand still pressed to his face. Another comfort of its own, as much as Fabian's reassurance is. ]
I don't know what'll happen...if I get mad anymore...
[ That Gorgug wants that. It makes sense. And it's not like Fabian is immediately going to force him back out in public - especially when he's pretty sure Gorgug needs more bed rest anyway. Even aside from the mental torment and this sentiment on the other's part, Gorgug almost died back there. Again.
Fabian won't forget that. He needs to recover, both physically and mentally. At least Fabian is sure of that, even if there's still so much up in the air right now. ]
It will be just me for now. [ Because he won't budge on that one. If he isn't there, wouldn't it much too easy for Gorgug to get stuck in this fear forever? To never be able to face anyone ever again, just because he doesn't know if he will hurt them or not?
It sucks how much Gorgug had seemed to get over his rage issues, only for this place to drag him right back down into it. He's never forgiving it for that. ]
Is that alright? Just me. [ He knows he's leaving out an obvious other person there, but-- it's on purpose. He squeezes Gorgug's hand very lightly as he adds: ] You don't have to see the Ball until you're ready.
[ And until Riz is ready, because-- well, Fabian is pretty sure he has some work left to do there too. Riz can't be doing well after all of that either, but it's fine. He can check on him too. What sort of maximum legend would he be if he couldn't even be there for both his friends? ]
[ His voice falls to a mutter, his eyes closing as he gives that last okay; a desire in him to still cry, to yell as well, even if neither will give him what he wants. To get rid of this horrible uncertainty pressing over him, suffocating. It's easy to fall into moments of silence, where internally, he's anything but calm; unable to stop himself from wondering if something inside him is going to tick over, that he won't start to feel the signs of his rage being agitated. His anger being called forth.
It doesn't come. But it's not easy to feel relief when it feels like it could, even with him being in bed with Fabian like this. Doing nothing. ]
...Riz can come in, if he wants. [ When Gorgug speaks up, it's to say that. Still not looking at Fabian, but because he's keeping both eyes closed than intentionally looking elsewhere. ] I don't want him...thinking I hate him. I don't... He's not different... you're all my friends. I dunno what I said...
[ He does, in bits and pieces. But it's hard to see the events clearly as they occurred: what was said, and what was thought? It's like what happened between them is there in his brain, but it's overwhelming, to try and think of the specificities.
Gorgug breathes, trying not to think on any part of it. Even if brains really don't work like that. ]
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So he moves to join the other in the bed, though in a much more calm way than Fabian usually would have - sometimes just having too much energy and too much dramatic flair at the same time. It's like Gorgug is a frightened animal he's trying really hard to not startle, holding a breath until he's actually lying down next to the other.
He rolls onto his side, Fabian's face turned towards Gorgug. Watching him. Watching those hands, the faint shake to him. He doesn't say anything for a moment, but then speaks up again. ]
.. can I touch you?
[ Sure, he did it a moment ago without asking.
But he's pretty sure that with how bad Gorgug looks right now, the other might just flip out by accident if Fabian does as much as accidentally brush him, let alone outright touch him. So before he does what he wants to do, he should at least ask. ]
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Except for Gorgug's breathing. Heavy, hot. And then Fabian speaks up, with a request that could mean a few things, but- ]
Okay.
[ It doesn't matter how Fabian wants to touch him. He can if he wants to, with Gorgug's answered muffled by his palms, but otherwise clear. ]
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It's alright. [ Fabian says, hoping so bad that it's even a little bit soothing. That Gorgug won't freak out at this much, even though Fabian is still moving to try and get them to gently hold hands. He'll lower their joint hands if Gorgug allows it at all, leaving the other hand in front of Gorgug's face for now.
Better to not take this too fast. ]
See? [ They're touching. Gorgug isn't hurting him. ] It's alright.
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When he goes for his hand instead, the muscles of it do tighten. Like Gorgug's ready to fight against it being moved away, and--he is. He wants to be, anyway, but the thing is: he doesn't. When Fabian takes it, and Gorgug doesn't know if to have his eyes opened or shut when the space opens to reveal Fabian there, he ends up staring back at him, his arm not resisting. As Fabian's voice is soothing, his presence something--unexpected.
Kind. Considerate.
Gorgug's watching him with his one eye, a mixture of emotions that he doesn't know how to separate into anything that he can put a voice to. Do you think I'm stupid? is one, while another, I was so scared is another. His lower lip trembles, and he clenches his jaw to keep down the new surge of upset that rises in his throat. Closes his eyes, quiet as he breathes through his nose and lets his body calm back down.
And eventually, he lets his fingers curl against Fabian's hand. ]
I-I should...stay away from people...for a while. I don't want to... hurt anyone. On accident. Just... until I'm sure, Fabian...
[ His voice is steady for the most part, and he doesn't peek to look back at Fabian until after he's done. His expression morose even from behind that singular hand still pressed to his face. Another comfort of its own, as much as Fabian's reassurance is. ]
I don't know what'll happen...if I get mad anymore...
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[ That Gorgug wants that. It makes sense. And it's not like Fabian is immediately going to force him back out in public - especially when he's pretty sure Gorgug needs more bed rest anyway. Even aside from the mental torment and this sentiment on the other's part, Gorgug almost died back there. Again.
Fabian won't forget that. He needs to recover, both physically and mentally. At least Fabian is sure of that, even if there's still so much up in the air right now. ]
It will be just me for now. [ Because he won't budge on that one. If he isn't there, wouldn't it much too easy for Gorgug to get stuck in this fear forever? To never be able to face anyone ever again, just because he doesn't know if he will hurt them or not?
It sucks how much Gorgug had seemed to get over his rage issues, only for this place to drag him right back down into it. He's never forgiving it for that. ]
Is that alright? Just me. [ He knows he's leaving out an obvious other person there, but-- it's on purpose. He squeezes Gorgug's hand very lightly as he adds: ] You don't have to see the Ball until you're ready.
[ And until Riz is ready, because-- well, Fabian is pretty sure he has some work left to do there too. Riz can't be doing well after all of that either, but it's fine. He can check on him too. What sort of maximum legend would he be if he couldn't even be there for both his friends? ]
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[ His voice falls to a mutter, his eyes closing as he gives that last okay; a desire in him to still cry, to yell as well, even if neither will give him what he wants. To get rid of this horrible uncertainty pressing over him, suffocating. It's easy to fall into moments of silence, where internally, he's anything but calm; unable to stop himself from wondering if something inside him is going to tick over, that he won't start to feel the signs of his rage being agitated. His anger being called forth.
It doesn't come. But it's not easy to feel relief when it feels like it could, even with him being in bed with Fabian like this. Doing nothing. ]
...Riz can come in, if he wants. [ When Gorgug speaks up, it's to say that. Still not looking at Fabian, but because he's keeping both eyes closed than intentionally looking elsewhere. ] I don't want him...thinking I hate him. I don't... He's not different... you're all my friends. I dunno what I said...
[ He does, in bits and pieces. But it's hard to see the events clearly as they occurred: what was said, and what was thought? It's like what happened between them is there in his brain, but it's overwhelming, to try and think of the specificities.
Gorgug breathes, trying not to think on any part of it. Even if brains really don't work like that. ]