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un: gorgug ; text ; voice ; video ; action
un: gorgug ; text ; voice ; video ; action
[ Fabian had no idea this morning that this day would end up like this.
Then again, who would have? The series of utter shenanigans - and not even the good kind of shenanigans - that led up to this moment truly were too strange for anyone to imagine. One moment you're trying to take care of an AI baby you absolutely can't handle, then you run into your friend, and a series of shenanigans later you're sitting in the hallway of some sort of fake robot baby hospital.
.. It feels uncomfortable. For many reasons. The fact that the two of them seem to be the only people in here aside from the companion bots 'working' here, the sterile white and incredibly quiet hallway they're sitting in on some of those pathetic little plastic hospital waiting seats. It's a weird and awkward situation.
And the further they got into said weird and awkward situation, the more quiet Fabian got. At first he had still been yelling right alongside Gorgug in panic over the entire situation, but ever since the fake baby was handed over to the companion bots now working on repairing it, Fabian has grown.. quiet.
Weirdly quiet, in fact. The fact that the half-elf usually is so loud and present at any given time likely makes it stand out even more that he hasn't said a single word since they were told to wait here, even though they've been sitting here for a good twenty minutes now.
Fabian is just sitting there. He's not even looking over at Gorgug. Instead he's slumped forward, his face hidden by the two hands he's leaning it on. ]
Then again, who would have? The series of utter shenanigans - and not even the good kind of shenanigans - that led up to this moment truly were too strange for anyone to imagine. One moment you're trying to take care of an AI baby you absolutely can't handle, then you run into your friend, and a series of shenanigans later you're sitting in the hallway of some sort of fake robot baby hospital.
.. It feels uncomfortable. For many reasons. The fact that the two of them seem to be the only people in here aside from the companion bots 'working' here, the sterile white and incredibly quiet hallway they're sitting in on some of those pathetic little plastic hospital waiting seats. It's a weird and awkward situation.
And the further they got into said weird and awkward situation, the more quiet Fabian got. At first he had still been yelling right alongside Gorgug in panic over the entire situation, but ever since the fake baby was handed over to the companion bots now working on repairing it, Fabian has grown.. quiet.
Weirdly quiet, in fact. The fact that the half-elf usually is so loud and present at any given time likely makes it stand out even more that he hasn't said a single word since they were told to wait here, even though they've been sitting here for a good twenty minutes now.
Fabian is just sitting there. He's not even looking over at Gorgug. Instead he's slumped forward, his face hidden by the two hands he's leaning it on. ]
[ ...Fabian's mad at him.
It's not a thought that immediately occurs to Gorgug; it's not an assumption that he's fully sure about the weight of, at first sitting down by his friend with the same vigor that brought the two of them into that hospital. In that energy, yes, of course, Gorgug could've guessed that Fabian was upset or would be upset with him. He was frantic over the situation as much as Fabian was, and his mind had been whizzing with ideas of armours and baby safety mechanisms he could make to be sure this would never happen again. He wouldn't tear off Fabian's baby's arm off ever again. Or its legs. Or the head!
But that energy is gone now, the rush of that far too long moment vanished--and its absence is loud with the quiet it leaves behind.
Gorgug knows Fabian: he doesn't do quiet. He does complaining, he should be complaining, preferably up on his feet and pacing around with his hands motioning senselessly and meaningfully at the same time. And that's where Gorgug would be listening, speaking or not, depending on how long it had been going on for. And yet--
And yet it's not happening. It hasn't been happening since they got here, and Gorgug's been giving glances at Fabian, about to speak, but then shutting his mouth again because he's not the one who should be talking. That's not how this goes.
Fabian's mad at him. And why wouldn't he be? Gorgug did this. And he's not only mad, he must be worried--because Fabian's complained a lot about what this place has done to them, and now there's the looming threat of what's going to come down on him playing on over in his head, bringing him to the state he's in. Quiet. Still. Unnerving.
Gorgug breaks things. He causes problems. His hands are curled around his knees and he feels like a version of himself he thought he was escaping. Fabian's mad, and he should be; and he can be and that's fine, and--
And Gorgug's going to be the version of himself he's been working on being. The one who doesn't fall into a silence and stays stunted, and instead the version that turns to his friend, slowly, and who opens his mouth, who might struggle to start to speak, and yet: ]
...I'll make sure they know I did it, [ he reassures, gently. Quietly. ] So, whatever they try to say--it's okay. I won't let them blame you.
[ Awkwardly. A pause. ]
I'm sorry I broke your baby, Fabian. I didn't want to break your baby.
It's not a thought that immediately occurs to Gorgug; it's not an assumption that he's fully sure about the weight of, at first sitting down by his friend with the same vigor that brought the two of them into that hospital. In that energy, yes, of course, Gorgug could've guessed that Fabian was upset or would be upset with him. He was frantic over the situation as much as Fabian was, and his mind had been whizzing with ideas of armours and baby safety mechanisms he could make to be sure this would never happen again. He wouldn't tear off Fabian's baby's arm off ever again. Or its legs. Or the head!
But that energy is gone now, the rush of that far too long moment vanished--and its absence is loud with the quiet it leaves behind.
Gorgug knows Fabian: he doesn't do quiet. He does complaining, he should be complaining, preferably up on his feet and pacing around with his hands motioning senselessly and meaningfully at the same time. And that's where Gorgug would be listening, speaking or not, depending on how long it had been going on for. And yet--
And yet it's not happening. It hasn't been happening since they got here, and Gorgug's been giving glances at Fabian, about to speak, but then shutting his mouth again because he's not the one who should be talking. That's not how this goes.
Fabian's mad at him. And why wouldn't he be? Gorgug did this. And he's not only mad, he must be worried--because Fabian's complained a lot about what this place has done to them, and now there's the looming threat of what's going to come down on him playing on over in his head, bringing him to the state he's in. Quiet. Still. Unnerving.
Gorgug breaks things. He causes problems. His hands are curled around his knees and he feels like a version of himself he thought he was escaping. Fabian's mad, and he should be; and he can be and that's fine, and--
And Gorgug's going to be the version of himself he's been working on being. The one who doesn't fall into a silence and stays stunted, and instead the version that turns to his friend, slowly, and who opens his mouth, who might struggle to start to speak, and yet: ]
...I'll make sure they know I did it, [ he reassures, gently. Quietly. ] So, whatever they try to say--it's okay. I won't let them blame you.
[ Awkwardly. A pause. ]
I'm sorry I broke your baby, Fabian. I didn't want to break your baby.
[ At least Gorgug speaking up seems to finally stir something in Fabian. He hasn't really moved this entire time, but now he does. Slowly the boy sits upright, removing his hands from his face so he can actually look at his friend as Gorgug continues to utter both reassurances and apologies.
But as worried as he is about Fabian's ire, it doesn't seem that he's angry, weirdly enough. Fabian is looking right at Gorgug, but there's no anger on the half-elf's face. His look is almost weirdly blank at first, but then when Gorgug continues to actually apologize, it changes to something a little more sad. Like something about hearing those words practically leaves him in pain.
Even so, it still takes a moment before he can say something in return. Just a pause that's slightly longer than necessary between Gorgug's last word and Fabian's first. ]
.. I fucked up.
[ It's all he has to say for a moment, though it's clear that he's sitting on more words that won't come out so easily, judging by the way his mouth opens and closes a few times before she actually speaks on. ]
It's not you. [ Well, technically it was Gorgug. Gorgug breaking off the baby's arm is a very objective fact.
But maybe that isn't what Fabian exactly means here, considering there's something so heavy to his voice. Like something that he's been thinking about this entire time during this silence is finally slowly spilling out. ]
It's me. I couldn't do it. I thought I could do it, but I couldn't.
[ Maybe the words don't even make much sense to the other, but Fabian doesn't realize as much. They make sense within his own thoughts, after all, and those have been keeping him company this entire time. ]
But as worried as he is about Fabian's ire, it doesn't seem that he's angry, weirdly enough. Fabian is looking right at Gorgug, but there's no anger on the half-elf's face. His look is almost weirdly blank at first, but then when Gorgug continues to actually apologize, it changes to something a little more sad. Like something about hearing those words practically leaves him in pain.
Even so, it still takes a moment before he can say something in return. Just a pause that's slightly longer than necessary between Gorgug's last word and Fabian's first. ]
.. I fucked up.
[ It's all he has to say for a moment, though it's clear that he's sitting on more words that won't come out so easily, judging by the way his mouth opens and closes a few times before she actually speaks on. ]
It's not you. [ Well, technically it was Gorgug. Gorgug breaking off the baby's arm is a very objective fact.
But maybe that isn't what Fabian exactly means here, considering there's something so heavy to his voice. Like something that he's been thinking about this entire time during this silence is finally slowly spilling out. ]
It's me. I couldn't do it. I thought I could do it, but I couldn't.
[ Maybe the words don't even make much sense to the other, but Fabian doesn't realize as much. They make sense within his own thoughts, after all, and those have been keeping him company this entire time. ]
[ Huh?
Gorgug knows there's something more here going on. Rather--what Fabian is saying doesn't match with events, or it's taking responsibility for what happened on a more personal level than is actually fair on the other guy. They both freaked, and Gorgug certainly broke an arm off there. So Fabian's response to his apologies silences him, confuses him, as he tries to wrap his head around what Fabian exactly means.
He could understand anger towards himself, but this blame--it's another thing, and Gorgug is staring at him, puzzled, but also with concern; like he's once again being confronted with something foreign, but this time, it's not a screaming baby. ]
You could do it, [ he's sure to start off with--perhaps not immediately, but almost jumping to reassure once Gorgug finds his voice. ] You just, we weren't ready for a baby, and that kind of responsibility is a lot-- we can try again. Do you wanna try again?
[ There's a we that's been placed here, and it makes sense for Gorgug, who doesn't decide to explain the obvious point that he's responsible here, and is willing to carry on with that responsibility. A half-orc can't break his bro's baby's arm off and then not help out, right?
They just need another chance, and the question is posed soothingly, gently. Reassuring: It's okay, Fabian. ]
Gorgug knows there's something more here going on. Rather--what Fabian is saying doesn't match with events, or it's taking responsibility for what happened on a more personal level than is actually fair on the other guy. They both freaked, and Gorgug certainly broke an arm off there. So Fabian's response to his apologies silences him, confuses him, as he tries to wrap his head around what Fabian exactly means.
He could understand anger towards himself, but this blame--it's another thing, and Gorgug is staring at him, puzzled, but also with concern; like he's once again being confronted with something foreign, but this time, it's not a screaming baby. ]
You could do it, [ he's sure to start off with--perhaps not immediately, but almost jumping to reassure once Gorgug finds his voice. ] You just, we weren't ready for a baby, and that kind of responsibility is a lot-- we can try again. Do you wanna try again?
[ There's a we that's been placed here, and it makes sense for Gorgug, who doesn't decide to explain the obvious point that he's responsible here, and is willing to carry on with that responsibility. A half-orc can't break his bro's baby's arm off and then not help out, right?
They just need another chance, and the question is posed soothingly, gently. Reassuring: It's okay, Fabian. ]
[ There's something about the words that stings.
Fabian couldn't explain it. He's not even sure he can explain to to himself. And it has nothing to do with Gorgug, it's just-- just something about the words. It feels like they're wrapping themselves around his heart, squeezing tight. We weren't ready for a baby, and that kind of responsibility is a lot. ]
That's not-- That's not how it works. [ He pulls back suddenly, sitting upright again. Fabian turns his head to stare at Gorgug, and his one eye is very wide, like something has startled him. Even the movement was very much like a jolt. ]
You can't just try again with a baby. [ Except you can. In this place. It's why they're here in the hospital hallway, waiting for their baby to be returned as good as new.
And yet Fabian seems so weirdly convinced of his words - like he's speaking of something else entirely. ]
You have a baby, and then you have one chance, and if you fuck it up then, you can't just start over! [ He's obviously upset. His tone is upset. But it doesn't seem to be plain anger at all, let alone anger being leveled at Gorgug right now.
Instead Fabian weirdly sounds like he's getting closer and closer to the edge of crying with every single word that leaves his mouth. ]
You'll have fucked up forever! And I fucked up! I fucked it up big time, Gorgug!
Fabian couldn't explain it. He's not even sure he can explain to to himself. And it has nothing to do with Gorgug, it's just-- just something about the words. It feels like they're wrapping themselves around his heart, squeezing tight. We weren't ready for a baby, and that kind of responsibility is a lot. ]
That's not-- That's not how it works. [ He pulls back suddenly, sitting upright again. Fabian turns his head to stare at Gorgug, and his one eye is very wide, like something has startled him. Even the movement was very much like a jolt. ]
You can't just try again with a baby. [ Except you can. In this place. It's why they're here in the hospital hallway, waiting for their baby to be returned as good as new.
And yet Fabian seems so weirdly convinced of his words - like he's speaking of something else entirely. ]
You have a baby, and then you have one chance, and if you fuck it up then, you can't just start over! [ He's obviously upset. His tone is upset. But it doesn't seem to be plain anger at all, let alone anger being leveled at Gorgug right now.
Instead Fabian weirdly sounds like he's getting closer and closer to the edge of crying with every single word that leaves his mouth. ]
You'll have fucked up forever! And I fucked up! I fucked it up big time, Gorgug!
[ Gorgug knows that he's not always particularly perceptive, but in the face of Fabian's growing volume, the frantic expression etching itself wilder onto his face, Gorgug knows this is about more than just the baby that was dumped with Fabian. He's not sure that he can pinpoint where it's coming from, tries to think about it (is it what happened with Leviathan? Having his father's legacy put him in a position of authority over others, then hearing them die, die, die), but he doesn't have time as his friend freaks the fuck out right in front of him. ]
Fabian.
[ Instead, he only has the time to place his hands on top of Fabian's shoulders, turning his body weight to face the other too; eyes searching him, and pleading for his attention. Hoping still that he might be able to figure out where this anxiety is coming from.
But in those few seconds, his hands drop from the top of his shoulders to the sides, squeezing them in a comforting manner (trying, to not be too hard), his gaze tinged with the sadness of hearing a friend speak like this.
Speaking so afraid. ]
You haven't fucked up forever, [ Gorgug says, his voice softer, his eyes nowhere else but staying on Fabian. Reassuring--telling him. ] I promise.
Fabian.
[ Instead, he only has the time to place his hands on top of Fabian's shoulders, turning his body weight to face the other too; eyes searching him, and pleading for his attention. Hoping still that he might be able to figure out where this anxiety is coming from.
But in those few seconds, his hands drop from the top of his shoulders to the sides, squeezing them in a comforting manner (trying, to not be too hard), his gaze tinged with the sadness of hearing a friend speak like this.
Speaking so afraid. ]
You haven't fucked up forever, [ Gorgug says, his voice softer, his eyes nowhere else but staying on Fabian. Reassuring--telling him. ] I promise.
[ For someone who's so constantly desperate for attention, something about this does not feel great. Not in this moment. All of Gorgug's attention on him, the softening of his emotions is for him, and Fabian doesn't know how to deal with it. Not when he feels so naked in this moment, sitting here with Gorgug in what feels like his absolute lowest moment in a long, long time.
But whereas he usually just shoves everything down, it feels harder now. It's like right back after Leviathan, when everything had been so overwhelming that he straight up couldn't hide what happened from his friends when they asked. Because all the emotion - fear, upset, guilt, inadequacy, guilt guilt guilt - spilled right out.
This is like that. The conscious part of Fabian wants to keep this all on the inside. No one has to know. It's fine. He can just keep on going, and no one has to know.
It's not the part of Fabian that's in control right now, however. No, the part that's in control suddenly spills out: ]
Gorgug, mama is--
[ It sounds completely irrelevant, aside from one thing about what he's about to say being involved in this situation too, but it actually is connected. It's part of a long string of things connecting this situation here to everything Fabian has been constantly worried about for most of the last year. ]
Mama is probably having a baby. [ Right, Gorgug wouldn't know. He didn't recognize his tattoo either. He wouldn't know. ] With Gilear.
[ Fabian stares at Gorgug with terror, even now. Perhaps due to the topic he just started on - like being faced with the drop of a rollercoaster right before you go all the way down and see the awful rest of it -, or maybe partially because he's expecting to be met with ridicule for being upset about something like that. It's what happened before, after all. No one seemed to understand, and Fabian wasn't willing to make them understand either. ]
But whereas he usually just shoves everything down, it feels harder now. It's like right back after Leviathan, when everything had been so overwhelming that he straight up couldn't hide what happened from his friends when they asked. Because all the emotion - fear, upset, guilt, inadequacy, guilt guilt guilt - spilled right out.
This is like that. The conscious part of Fabian wants to keep this all on the inside. No one has to know. It's fine. He can just keep on going, and no one has to know.
It's not the part of Fabian that's in control right now, however. No, the part that's in control suddenly spills out: ]
Gorgug, mama is--
[ It sounds completely irrelevant, aside from one thing about what he's about to say being involved in this situation too, but it actually is connected. It's part of a long string of things connecting this situation here to everything Fabian has been constantly worried about for most of the last year. ]
Mama is probably having a baby. [ Right, Gorgug wouldn't know. He didn't recognize his tattoo either. He wouldn't know. ] With Gilear.
[ Fabian stares at Gorgug with terror, even now. Perhaps due to the topic he just started on - like being faced with the drop of a rollercoaster right before you go all the way down and see the awful rest of it -, or maybe partially because he's expecting to be met with ridicule for being upset about something like that. It's what happened before, after all. No one seemed to understand, and Fabian wasn't willing to make them understand either. ]
[ He is ill-equipped to deal with this.
That's obvious; where all of Gorgug's previous desire to reach out to Fabian in this moment becomes answered, puzzling as it first starts off when Fabian brings up his mama, and now--and now what does he do with it?
This?
There is so much going on here, and Gorgug can better feel its presence, but it's not his burden: it's not his fear that's leaking out in that confession, right after the panic of not having second chances, you've screwed up forever. But--Gorgug knows that it couldn't have been from something that Fabian's mom told him, right? And there's something else, something more, and this is so delicate for someone with the clumsiest hands, his own fear of taking the wrong step. Saying the wrong thing.
Surprise lifts in his gaze initially, but then worries into something searching Fabian's face--no judgment, and not even the kind of clear confusion that Gorgug wears so well creases his features, but instead the tightly knotted brow that indicates when he's thinking carefully, processing. ]
Okay. [ It's not said slowly, but spoken in acknowledgement. His hands haven't dropped. ] Do you-- are you worried... about being replaced by the new baby?
[ Should he have just for Fabian to explain himself? It gnaws at Gorgug, the worry that he's asking something so obvious, and right now, he doesn't want to give Fabian any reasons to draw away. And maybe there was something said or done that he doesn't know about, or that Fabian's just freaking out at this change coming in his life.
This is delicate, and he's ill-equipped to deal with this--but so is his friend, and he wants to hold onto this anyway, with him. ]
That's obvious; where all of Gorgug's previous desire to reach out to Fabian in this moment becomes answered, puzzling as it first starts off when Fabian brings up his mama, and now--and now what does he do with it?
This?
There is so much going on here, and Gorgug can better feel its presence, but it's not his burden: it's not his fear that's leaking out in that confession, right after the panic of not having second chances, you've screwed up forever. But--Gorgug knows that it couldn't have been from something that Fabian's mom told him, right? And there's something else, something more, and this is so delicate for someone with the clumsiest hands, his own fear of taking the wrong step. Saying the wrong thing.
Surprise lifts in his gaze initially, but then worries into something searching Fabian's face--no judgment, and not even the kind of clear confusion that Gorgug wears so well creases his features, but instead the tightly knotted brow that indicates when he's thinking carefully, processing. ]
Okay. [ It's not said slowly, but spoken in acknowledgement. His hands haven't dropped. ] Do you-- are you worried... about being replaced by the new baby?
[ Should he have just for Fabian to explain himself? It gnaws at Gorgug, the worry that he's asking something so obvious, and right now, he doesn't want to give Fabian any reasons to draw away. And maybe there was something said or done that he doesn't know about, or that Fabian's just freaking out at this change coming in his life.
This is delicate, and he's ill-equipped to deal with this--but so is his friend, and he wants to hold onto this anyway, with him. ]
[ Actually--
You know what? Maybe he would have taken the ridicule. It certainly can't be worse than being faced with this question of all things. It makes Fabian look more and more vulnerable - almost smaller - under Gorgug's gaze with each passing moment, and he finally turns to move out of the hold Gorgug has on his arms, instead seeming to curl in on himself a little.
After all, the answer to that question is not even just difficult for Fabian to voice, it's already difficult enough to just figure out. ]
No! Or.. [ ... ] I mean, I-- I know she loves me very much.
[ He isn't even looking at Gorgug.
He can't. Fabian wouldn't even be able to look at himself while saying this, let alone at someone else. Trying to voice things that have lived in his thoughts for months, and in his heart for perhaps even longer. He's never even fully reached in there himself, too scared of what he'd find. Life was easier just-- moving on. Going on. ]
It's just-- She seems so happy with Gilear. All the time. And she talks constantly about how they're going to be married for hundreds and hundreds of years together, and I-- I won't make it that far. [ The lifespan of half-elves are nothing compared to actual elves, after all. Fabian likely won't even make two hunderd, and that's if he makes it to old age in the first place. ] I thought maybe she wanted a baby that actually could live with her for that long. A family that's exactly like her, not different like me and papa.
[ Fabian's fingers idly pluck at a stray thread on his clothes. It's a nervous gesture. ]
Especially since-- Mama loves me. [ It's repeated from a moment ago, but he doesn't even seem to realize. Maybe he's trying to tell it to himself more than he's telling it to Gorgug. Trying to remind himself, convince himself. (Because she does, she knows, he knows, and he'd never want to talk badly about her, but--) ] But she was never really interested in me as a baby.
[ Or, you know, after that.
But even voicing this little feels so wrong to him. It feels like he's betraying his mother by saying it. Like he's betraying himself. He knows it's not like she doesn't care, it's just-- it's complicated. It's all so complicated. ]
I thought that if I could raise a baby the right way here, then I could-- I could prove something.
[ To her? To himself? To the world? Who knows. Fabian sure doesn't. ]
You know what? Maybe he would have taken the ridicule. It certainly can't be worse than being faced with this question of all things. It makes Fabian look more and more vulnerable - almost smaller - under Gorgug's gaze with each passing moment, and he finally turns to move out of the hold Gorgug has on his arms, instead seeming to curl in on himself a little.
After all, the answer to that question is not even just difficult for Fabian to voice, it's already difficult enough to just figure out. ]
No! Or.. [ ... ] I mean, I-- I know she loves me very much.
[ He isn't even looking at Gorgug.
He can't. Fabian wouldn't even be able to look at himself while saying this, let alone at someone else. Trying to voice things that have lived in his thoughts for months, and in his heart for perhaps even longer. He's never even fully reached in there himself, too scared of what he'd find. Life was easier just-- moving on. Going on. ]
It's just-- She seems so happy with Gilear. All the time. And she talks constantly about how they're going to be married for hundreds and hundreds of years together, and I-- I won't make it that far. [ The lifespan of half-elves are nothing compared to actual elves, after all. Fabian likely won't even make two hunderd, and that's if he makes it to old age in the first place. ] I thought maybe she wanted a baby that actually could live with her for that long. A family that's exactly like her, not different like me and papa.
[ Fabian's fingers idly pluck at a stray thread on his clothes. It's a nervous gesture. ]
Especially since-- Mama loves me. [ It's repeated from a moment ago, but he doesn't even seem to realize. Maybe he's trying to tell it to himself more than he's telling it to Gorgug. Trying to remind himself, convince himself. (Because she does, she knows, he knows, and he'd never want to talk badly about her, but--) ] But she was never really interested in me as a baby.
[ Or, you know, after that.
But even voicing this little feels so wrong to him. It feels like he's betraying his mother by saying it. Like he's betraying himself. He knows it's not like she doesn't care, it's just-- it's complicated. It's all so complicated. ]
I thought that if I could raise a baby the right way here, then I could-- I could prove something.
[ To her? To himself? To the world? Who knows. Fabian sure doesn't. ]
[ Gorgug's hands don't hover when Fabian moves; just for a second, and they drop without offence, tucking together on his lap. And that nagging of worry, of doubt, does ease when the exact tone and responses don't come to a question that was both uncertain yet sincere from him--instead, he's met with the same from Fabian.
His gaze no longer has a reason to be so searching, when he lets himself listen first and foremost. And maybe he was too many nerves just a moment before, or maybe he was the right amount, when Fabian talks, and it's a conversation so personal that Gorgug is surprised to here on some level, though it doesn't reach his eyes, right now: because what sticks with him more than fret over how to help, if he's helping, or missing any little thing, is...that Fabian was thinking these things. That he was going through this.
Was he? Gorgug doesn't actually know Fabian's mom much at all, and Gilear is Gilear, but he doesn't know what that's like. What Gorgug has is what Fabian says, and the knowledge of Fabian at home, the endless study parties and bravado he's been particularly packing at home that he hasn't put any thought to-- well, neither since being here, or in Elmville. Why would he? There's no reason for it, but some thought of that large sea-manor comes to Gorgug now, as Fabian says he has to prove something.
Gorgug doesn't reach out for a second time. He looks down at his own hands, cupped against one another. There's a familiarity here, he thinks; the shape different, but a pain that's recognisable in growing up. Perhaps recognisable, but still, no less Fabian's, and his heart feels tender for him; where the logic of Fabian's actions may not make sense, but they don't need to. The emotion does, even if it had been so rapid from an outside point of view, was it really? Fabian wants to prove something. He needs something, and while that recognisable shape never led Gorgug towards proving, he knows about want. ]
...I was pissed off at my parents. [ There's a part of Gorgug that almost doesn't let him say it, a small barrier in his throat to admit it, and his gaze flickers over at Fabian, a sharp embarrassment that he feels on his cheeks, his hands wrapping and tucking closer to his stomach in response. ] T-they love me, [ he's quick to continue, ] and I know they always did their best, but I, I don't think they knew what it was like being part orc, and--...I didn't have them, in the stuff I needed them. I was always-- different from them.
[ It's a different shape. His and Fabian's childhoods growing up, the issues that come, from even if Fabian and his own parents weren't so extreme in their differences as Gorgug and his own gnomish parents, he looks at Fabian this time with an understanding that can still maybe be shared between two half-children. Sharing in a vulnerability that Gorgug's never spoken allowed much (if at all), and his shoulders have started to hunch in a familiar way, his bottom lip pouting and pressing against his tusks as his own familiarity with this kind of insecurity takes centre in his mind. ]
I think, [ he says, though he's never thought about it now, and there's a part of him that's unsure, but he's saying it now, wrangling his hands, repeating, lowering his voice, ] it's okay to be pissed at our parents. Fabian. Even if we love them.
[ And that-- and that's the thing that he feels is important here, even though there's doubt behind those words, but a vulnerability as visible as Fabian's own, as this is the issue that Gorgug sees more than any reassurances about what they can do for a fake baby, or reassurances about either of their parents' intentions can do. Because they know their parents love them, they know they can do well with an AI baby, but after both of those things are said and done, they're the ones left after the fact.
Fabian with his complicated feelings of being a fuck up through no fault of his own, and Gorgug with-- stuff he's been working on, but are no less true. ]
His gaze no longer has a reason to be so searching, when he lets himself listen first and foremost. And maybe he was too many nerves just a moment before, or maybe he was the right amount, when Fabian talks, and it's a conversation so personal that Gorgug is surprised to here on some level, though it doesn't reach his eyes, right now: because what sticks with him more than fret over how to help, if he's helping, or missing any little thing, is...that Fabian was thinking these things. That he was going through this.
Was he? Gorgug doesn't actually know Fabian's mom much at all, and Gilear is Gilear, but he doesn't know what that's like. What Gorgug has is what Fabian says, and the knowledge of Fabian at home, the endless study parties and bravado he's been particularly packing at home that he hasn't put any thought to-- well, neither since being here, or in Elmville. Why would he? There's no reason for it, but some thought of that large sea-manor comes to Gorgug now, as Fabian says he has to prove something.
Gorgug doesn't reach out for a second time. He looks down at his own hands, cupped against one another. There's a familiarity here, he thinks; the shape different, but a pain that's recognisable in growing up. Perhaps recognisable, but still, no less Fabian's, and his heart feels tender for him; where the logic of Fabian's actions may not make sense, but they don't need to. The emotion does, even if it had been so rapid from an outside point of view, was it really? Fabian wants to prove something. He needs something, and while that recognisable shape never led Gorgug towards proving, he knows about want. ]
...I was pissed off at my parents. [ There's a part of Gorgug that almost doesn't let him say it, a small barrier in his throat to admit it, and his gaze flickers over at Fabian, a sharp embarrassment that he feels on his cheeks, his hands wrapping and tucking closer to his stomach in response. ] T-they love me, [ he's quick to continue, ] and I know they always did their best, but I, I don't think they knew what it was like being part orc, and--...I didn't have them, in the stuff I needed them. I was always-- different from them.
[ It's a different shape. His and Fabian's childhoods growing up, the issues that come, from even if Fabian and his own parents weren't so extreme in their differences as Gorgug and his own gnomish parents, he looks at Fabian this time with an understanding that can still maybe be shared between two half-children. Sharing in a vulnerability that Gorgug's never spoken allowed much (if at all), and his shoulders have started to hunch in a familiar way, his bottom lip pouting and pressing against his tusks as his own familiarity with this kind of insecurity takes centre in his mind. ]
I think, [ he says, though he's never thought about it now, and there's a part of him that's unsure, but he's saying it now, wrangling his hands, repeating, lowering his voice, ] it's okay to be pissed at our parents. Fabian. Even if we love them.
[ And that-- and that's the thing that he feels is important here, even though there's doubt behind those words, but a vulnerability as visible as Fabian's own, as this is the issue that Gorgug sees more than any reassurances about what they can do for a fake baby, or reassurances about either of their parents' intentions can do. Because they know their parents love them, they know they can do well with an AI baby, but after both of those things are said and done, they're the ones left after the fact.
Fabian with his complicated feelings of being a fuck up through no fault of his own, and Gorgug with-- stuff he's been working on, but are no less true. ]
Yeah. I don't know if he still wants to do that or what the plan is anymore? There was something that happened in a pirate city that got him down for a while but he grew up in a pirate mansion in our town and he really respected his dad
so
I should ask him if he identifies as a pirate? it's been really important in his life
so
I should ask him if he identifies as a pirate? it's been really important in his life
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